For the past year and a half I’ve worked at a non-profit medical/dental clinic in downtown Spokane called CHAS. Most of the time I feel proud to work for an organization that brings basic medical and dental services to an ever-expanding Spokane population that would otherwise be unable to enjoy any type of medical or dental care.

The rest of the time I can honestly admit to being consistently shocked, amused, disgusted and frustrated with our mostly tactless clientele. The fact that I sit at one desk, in front of one computer, with no window in sight for almost 9 hours does threaten to bore the life out of me on a daily basis. Thankfully, the often toothless, regularly uninsured, and invariably interesting patients with whom I am so privileged to speak during those 9 hours add a much needed breath of fresh air to an otherwise unbearable occupation. Enter a conversation occurring just minutes ago. I honestly wish I had fabricated this rare but comedic dialogue, but the fact that I didn’t only adds to its smirk value.

Me: Thank you for calling CHAS, this is Kerri, how can I help you?
Caller: Well hello there. Kerri, did you say?
Me: Yes, sir.
Caller: Well that’s a pretty name. How are you doing today?
Me: Doing just fine sir. What I can I do for you?
Caller: (laughs) Well that all depends. Are you single? (laughs again)
Me: (muting my phone and announcing the presence of a keeper to my cubicle partner in crime) Actually, no.
Caller: Oh really. You got yourself a boyfriend?
Me: Actually, I’m married. (I justify myself lying to this man because he’s a creep.)
Caller: Well that’s never stopped me before. (still laughing)
Me: Would you like to make an appointment sir?
Caller: You can call me Steve*. And yes I would.
Me: Ok, sir. Do you know which clinic you regularly attend?
Steve: Your clinic.
Me: My clinic?
Steve: Yes, wherever you work.
Me:Oh, ok. So the Valley clinic?
Steve: Right, that’s the one.
(I make him an appointment for an std test, him all the while assuring me he doesn’t have any, it’s just a precautionary measure.)
STD Steve: Are you sure you’re not single?
Me: (Ignoring him now, and silently laughing.) Ok sir. So we’ll see you at (I spout off appointment date/time).
STD Steve: (laughs) Well I look forward to seeing your pretty face next week.
Me: Bye then.

And to think, hundreds more like ultra suave Steve-O here comprise the dominant constituency here at CHAS. It’s a good thing we are indeed non-profit; this type of entertainment is priceless.

(*Names have been changed to protect the slightly moronic.)