I just had to play IT Tech Support for our new phone system, plugging in wires, disconnecting the server, mostly on accident, because it was improperly connected and the server wasn’t even in the right place. I’m seriously sweating right now.
(Something something something random and off topic, and then:) You’re always sweating.
(Something something something random [...]

Chris, after waiting on hold for many a minute with server support two days ago:
“I wish they had an option that said: ‘Hit three if you don’t want to hear our shitty hold music.’”

Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength. -Frances de Sales
Chris is the most gentle man I have ever met. He is the most sincere and sweet person I have ever trusted, the most genuine and grand man I have ever let see me for me and yet remained unafraid [...]

When we return home from dinner with babycarrot sister and brother Will and (eventually; he’s sneaky) find Iggy has relieved himself in a less than ideal location while we were gone, he scolds him, per our owner training manuals (of which we have (too) many), and then, a few minutes later, when Iggy looks at [...]

“When people ask what we did on Saturday night, do you think we should tell them we covered our windows in foil?”
“Heck yes. And then we should offer to do their windows. Because, damn! we make this look good.”
“Maybe we’ll even pick up some super space signals, or something.”
“I was just thinking the same! thing.”
“We [...]

After bringing me a Heineken Light from the kitchen, he sets his bottle on the desk next to mine and gleefully exclaims, “Look! It’s just like in real life!”

Honey,
I changed our Verizon Wireless password because never again will I find myself in the position of having to stand before someone, in person, and have to tell them that our account password is ‘2legit2quit.’
Daddy no can do.
New password is: (something less M.C. Hammer-esque)
Thoroughly humiliated,
me

After watching American Idol auditions he starts belting show-tunes, pretending to be the best of the most delusional potential contestants, saying things like, “My name is D-wayne Powder, and I’m going to be singing I Didn’t Take My Medication Tonight by Mariah Carey.”

“Honey! It’s THREE degrees outside tonight. I’m going to go see what three degrees feels like.”
* blank stares on my behalf * And then, a minute and a half later:
“Babe? Come and see what three degrees feels like! It’s SO cold.”
“Um, I’m alright. Thanks!”
“No, but really! It’s FUN. It’s THREE degrees.”
“I’ve felt! three degrees. I [...]

After a particularly long week, a week laden with an abnormal amount of unexpected nonsense and it’s fair share of emotional roller-coastering (oh, hormones, how I love thee), I come home from work to find:
a. two loads of laundry, laundering
b. a clean kitchen (not the way I left it)
c. a poignant and pretty* green Hallmark [...]